She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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