Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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