I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
