he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
