Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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