i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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