textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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