at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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