I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
