Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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