am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.