you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.