Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes