good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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