it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
