when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize