Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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