Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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