woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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