I just threw up on my dentist
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
