so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
