my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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