Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
