I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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