I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
