Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
