I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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