so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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