I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
