I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
