So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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