i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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