lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
