Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the day after is always just damage control
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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