she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
