Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
