At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
