You're so nebulous sometimes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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