I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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