I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
