Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
