Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
