I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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