This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
