Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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