dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
