we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
