so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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