his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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