Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm at about main and main street
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize