theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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