and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
