Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
