I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
