It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You were trust falling into bushes
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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