on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
