it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
