i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
