So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize