I need help removing her.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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