The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
