How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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